Have you ever wondered why the holidays are so stressful? Like most situations, there are several factors that contribute to the overall experience. I think that probably the most difficult aspect of the holidays is that our expectations tend to be somewhat unrealistic. It’s not our fault, really – research suggests that when we remember past events, we (for the most part) tend to remember the positive parts of the event. So when we recall holidays past, we recall the happy moments rather than the stressful ones. As a result, when we look forward to upcoming holidays, we do so with the expectation that they will be something like the holidays we (mis)remember from the past. Add to that the situational stress of trying to cook and clean and be on our best behavior, and no wonder we are disappointed sometimes.
So, here is my advice: try to keep your expectations as realistic as possible. Remember that, even though the people involved are “family”, they are also human – and humans will always have different personalities and opinions that don’t always mix so well. That fact is neither good nor bad….it just is. Before the holiday gathering, try to think of some things that you can say or do that will ease the tension if it begins to develop. One of my favorites is “You know, that’s one of my favorite things about our family. I love that we are all so different but can still be together and enjoy each other’s company”. If all else fails, break into a very enthusiastic rendition of “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”. I can pretty well guarantee that people will stop fussing long enough for you to remind them of the real reason you’re all together. Because you’re family, and that’s what the holidays are about.